Greetings All,

Bear with metaphor here, because it's used a lot.

I feel as though my life is at a point where it's never really been before. I feel the familiar stress that comes with having more responsibilities than ever before, and yet, I'm beginning to understand the big picture. I'm staying on top of things, but just barely, as the work load gets bigger and bigger. I feel like life is a wave, and I'm surfing it. How far this wave will carry me, we'll see, but every time I come close to falling and don't, I gain more confidence in my ability to stay upright.

It's like learning how to walk, or ride a bike, but made more complex for a more complex brain. I have no room to let anyone push me anymore. If I don't continue to pedal, despite how scary it is, I'll start tilting. Tilting isn't so scary when you've got your training wheels, but my wheels are coming off soon, and I'm starting to feel the rocking.

This delicate balance must be maintained until I can learn to work my magic, and work on instinct. The more experience I get, the better. My mind is open to learning all sorts of new things.


Anyhow, </mainrantover>.

Overall, things are good. Almost too good. It's somewhat scary. I've got a lot to practice, yes, but more of a focus now. Animation, is what I like most. I haven't kept up with my drawing lately, and I feel guilty. I've had two distinctly different programs to work with lately, and just learning the basic control scheme of navigating a 3D environment can be difficult, when you're learning two at once.

Every teacher for the past 2-3 semesters seems to have the same thing to say. "What, your last teacher didn't teach you THIS? Are you kidding? What did they teach you?". It takes up a lot of current learning time to make up for one past teacher's mistake, and that avalanches into the next class down the road. I sincerely hope that the "learn most of what you need to know on the job" story that I've been hearing on-and-off is true, because I worry constantly that I'm not getting the training I need.

The Game Art field is very disorganized, and often they have teachers that are say, web designers, teaching the basics of the program (Unreal) used in 3D Level Design. Effectively, that's the equivalent of a blacksmith teaching you carpentry, even if he knows just the basics. He was actually suggesting that I "spend an hour or two looking" in the pre-made objects for the game, for a bed for my Final Project, rather than spending an hour making a custom bed in 3D Max, and learning how to import it.

Fah, rant over.

I'll post more later. Class is starting. Running on 4 hours of sleep.

-J

Tags: gonads and strife, problems, rant, razor's edge
Current Location: HW-404
Current Mood: working
Current Music: Guitar Hero 1+2+80s.

Lots of crap going on lately. I'm learning 2 different 3D programs, and re-learning rigging and level design. I've got no time to update properly. Perhaps over break.

-Jon

Tags: insanity, madness, no time, sparta.
Current Location: C-216
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Ozzy's New Album; "Black Rain".

All,

I'm taking a quick break from my homework, to update the journal. It's not what I'd call a full update; it's just something to keep those that care updated, and to post a little picture that I have from a few months back.

I decided to drop the Unreal Editor class, and take it again next quarter. This will give me more time to concentrate on the Animation courses I'm taking, and to practice some other pursuits.

Right.

This is a pic of Tiina, my father, and I, at my cousin's wedding, back a few months ago:


I was inspired to post it after I saw Marisa's journal, I'll admit. Cousin's weddings make for some good photo opportunities.

-Jon

Tags: quick break
Current Location: C-216
Current Mood: rushed
Current Music: Phoenix Wright OST (Orchestrated)

Like Garfield, I've begun to dread Mondays.

In fact, I think I write in this thing every Monday.

My Level Design Class is going poorly still. I'll spare any readers the details, but suffice to say this is mostly my fault for not speaking with the teacher earlier.

Still, I do have 2D animation today, and I'm looking forward to seeing how my "candle" animation looks in motion.

In other news, 3D Animation is going well. I realized that as I sat there and waited for my turn to have my work reviewed, I redid a friend's animation (that took about an hour) in 15 minutes, and it was better than the original. When it was finally my turn, the teacher (Mike) took a look at my homework (which I had presented as a reel with synched music), and he said if I spent a bit more time on the animations and smoothed them out, that I could get a job on the spot. I wasn't exactly sure how to take it. I still don't. I'm amazed, as this is my first Animation class.

Perhaps I have found a natural talent? It seems that after 6 years of drawing, fraught with stubbornness and struggle, I may have realized something major about my life.

There are things we like, things we respect, and things we're talented at.

Sometimes, we like something, but can't respect how it's done. Sometimes we respect something, but don't like it. Sometimes, we're talented at something, but don't like it, or don't respect those that do it. Other times, we like and/or respect something, but no matter how hard we try, we're not talented at it, and it takes extra work to get past even the beginning stages. I'm beginning to wonder if drawing is something I'll ever be able to make money with. I mean, I like it, and I respect it, but will I ever stretch past mediocre?

I've never sold a piece, I've never had that many compliments on my drawings from teachers. I'm beginning to think that I'm like someone on American Idol that won't stop singing even after the judges tell them to.

I'm thinking I'll continue drawing for fun, but focus on other areas, such as writing or 3D work. I'm too stubborn to improve at drawing right now, I think. I'll see if I can post my animation reel as soon as I'm done doing the mid-term for it all. Keep an eye out for it here, as well as DeviantArt, in the next week or two.

-Mr. J out.

Tags: bah...
Current Location: HW-405
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Black Label Society- Sonic Brew.

This sucks, hah,

Well, it's been weeks with no reliable response from Circuit City, so I'm about to apply to Best Buy. I'm sitting in Level Design class not sure what the Hell I'm supposed to do, and the teacher continues to move along at a steady pace, despite having a Holiday on the second week. I've missed the mid-term due to not having the program, not knowing how to use it, and the fact that he gave his a week early.

Yep, life rules. On the plus side, I've been SERIOUSLY enjoying animation classes (both 2D and 3D), and have done extra credit work for both of them, and a few days early too! How often do I even DO extra credit stuff?
I believe the real question is, "how often do I really enjoy my classes".

I haven't been drawing much outside of animation class though, and I'm not sure why. I'll chalk it up to a lack of confidence.

In the interest of anyone reading this, I'm going to limit the size of this entry, because I know people tend to skim and skip large portions of a large block of text.

I may post my animation "reel" here, at some point. From what others tell me, I'm pretty decent at 3D.

-Jon

Tags: level design
Current Location: HW 402
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Metallica- Dyer's Eve

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Years All,

Oh my God. This Christmas has gone ridiculously well. I went out to a quick dinner with my mother and father, and saw Rocky Balboa.

A bit slow-moving, but overall a pretty good movie. More preachy than action-packed, if you're going for the boxing scenes (as in Rocky 3-4), you may be disappointed. If you want a little more respect for Sylvester Stallone, a bit of a lesson on life, and a good movie to see with your father, perhaps, check this one out.

To be honest, I wasn't expecting any presents this year. Not really.
However...

I split the cost of an X-Box 360 with my mother, and managed to get one, and on top of that, my friend surprised me with a gift subscription to Gamefly.com, so I can avoid spending money on game rentals/purchases. They even carry Nintendo DS games!

However, belonging in it's own paragraph... The best Christmas present I could ask for... I'm going to be able to see Tiina this New Years!

I also plan, with any luck, to bring the *second* best Christmas present ever when I see her...





Yes. Mine, in two days. I am *so* ridiculously excited, I can't type more.

Rock!!!

-J

Tags: new years!
Current Location: Home for the Holidays.
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Stevie Wonder: Superstition.

All,

Finally, the time has come. On the horizon, creeps the beginnings of a new chance to learn, and to grow. For now, refining and practicing what I've learned is paramount, with the possibility of some time to rest and reflect (and play a little Twilight Princess).

I've had the time to do a few drawings, and I can see how I've improved since last year, but doubt always lingers in the shadows, and I occasionally wonder if I'm doing the right thing. My natural talent is writing, yet I persist with what sometimes seems like an "interest" more than a true calling. Other times, however, I find that I'm at peace while drawing, loving every minute of it.

I enjoy modeling, texturing, drawing, writing, and with every passing class, I further define that which I do enjoy, and that which I do not. Programming, for instance, is not something I could see myself doing for a living, while modeling and texturing is far more inspiring.

I believe I have passed my Programming class, and my Rigging class, with some degree of difficulty. I'm not sure that the same could be said of my Survey of Architecture class, seeing as how I missed two weeks, and as far as I could tell, didn't do so well on the final test. I feel that due to holidays, and certain other conditions (the passing of my grandfather, my mother's situation), I couldn't absorb as much as I should have from two of my classes.

In any case, I finally have more than seven days off to practice my crafts, and I'm looking for ideas. A teacher suggested that rather than worry about what to practice, practice all I've learned, along a common path. He suggested that I write a story, draw the characters, model them, texture them, and rig them. This will take some time, but I feel that it would be an excellent way to not only get better at what I've learned, but to give myself a greater perspective on which craft I enjoy the most.

Tiina will be at her house for most of the break, and we're still trying to find a way for my mother to meet with her parents for Christmas. The trouble is, my mother has two dogs (Maltese) that need to be lodged somewhere while my mother visits. She is hesitant to bring them to any place she has not been to in person before, but time is running out. If anyone has any suggestions for a location in South Florida, please let me know.

I'll probably write another entry at some point.

If not, Merry Christmas, etc!

-Jon

Tags: 2006, christmas break
Current Location: Home for the Holidays.
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (In-Game Soundtrack).

Greetings All,

Oh God, drama! THE HORROR!



It seems that the period I had to drop my 3D Character Rigging class has passed already, and due to my indecision, I'm forced to try to pass it. The problem is, we've missed 3 classes in a row due to holidays and complications. Even the teacher suggested I drop it and take it again, due to the circumstances. If I actually *do* pass the class, I cannot take it again. If I don't, the poor grade counts toward my GPA.

I'm less concerned about my grade, than I am about learning what I should know about rigging. Plus, I'm taking Programming with C++ at the same time... Fah. I'm going to be rather busy this break.

In other news, my mother is in bad shape (both mentally and physically) after the passing of my Grandmother last year, and my Grandfather this year. My father refuses to do much to help her, as they're divorced, and he doesn't want to get involved. He'll talk to her on the phone, and occasionally drive her places, but he refuses to really "be there" for her. I wish he'd realize that by not helping her, he's indirectly hurting me, and the whole situation. To make matters worse, she moved down to Florida when I did, and she's got no friends, no connections, no doctors, etc. to help her out when she needs it most. I cannot afford to spend as much time as she'd like at home, helping her, as I have to keep my schoolwork up in the hardest semesters yet.

I'm holding out here, despite all that, and I'm hoping I can pass my classes.

I'm getting a new roommate, as my previous roommate decided to become very quiet and moody, and move out without letting me know. I'll you spare the details, but it got to the point where he was acting really petty (when he left, he emptied the garbage pail that had piled up because he never took it out, some of the stuff on top spilt out, and he only bothered to pick up *his* trash, leaving the rest on the floor).

I hate to post things like this on LiveJournal, but I just have a sudden feeling of relief, as if I finally realized what a burden it was to have him as a roommate.

-He was uncompromising: When I asked him for his share of the internet money, he said "just tell your father that I'm paying for half for the internet, and then I don't pay... fuck him."

He never did real work in my presence (and didn't want to talk about how he was doing in school, or bringing out the folding table to do work together). He also did all his projects the night before they were due, and often destroyed (literally) the project after recieving a grade.

He was demanding: he asked if I could "try to be out of the room between 9PM and 11PM *every night*, because he was tired of leaving the room to talk to his girlfriend on his cell phone.

He was unclean: He left dirty footprints on the walls of the bathroom from sitting on the toilet on his cell phone, and let garbage pile up on the floor. He would take his unwashed clothes, books, and other odds and ends, and move them back and forth from his bed to the floor next to it, when he woke up. He never cleaned the toilet, and I frequently found feces and hair on the seat.

He was a hypocrite: He refused the help of Tiina and I when we would offer to assist him with homework, and he wouldn't talk about his real problems, and then he'd complain that noone wanted to help him.

It's all very sad, you see, because he was one of my best friends here for a while. I've warned him over and over that he was just wasting his parent's money, and if he wanted to go home so badly, why not just drop out? I should have seen this coming, seeing as how he's complained about, and subsequently left the room of all three roommates he's had since he got to this school.

</crawinginmyskinmoment>

In any case, I see a light at the end of the tunnel, for me at least. I'm getting a nice new roommate, I'm enjoying the relative freedom that I've got now, and the burden off my mind. I can now use that effort and worry on other things in my life. Fah, I've gotta go. Meeting my father for dinner.

-Jon

Current Mood: hopeful

All,

Well, this is rather unfortunate. A few updates:

-My sketchbook is totally used up. No new drawings until I can get down to Pearl Paint and buy a new one.

-I haven't been able to make time to do much work on the computer, due to classes.

-I'm afraid that because my Rigging class missed two weeks due to holiday, and one week due to our teacher being sick, that I will not be able to catch up in time.

-Programming class has ramped up in difficulty, and I just want to pass it so I can get back to using the other half of my brain.

-I spent about two hours filling out an application for Circuit City online (over 30 pages of questions and information), only to decline my choice to "recieve electronic responses, instead of written responses" (figuring they'd snail-mail me), and recieved a "You have declined the option to recieve a response to this survey." You should see a store manager at one of our locations for the application process". That's basically what it said. I had no option to go "back" to the previous page, only back to the application homepage. I've gotta figure out whether my application was removed due to my choice, or if it was sent in, but I cannot recieve any response unless I go to the actual store. A little vague.

-I'm not sure, but I think this entry points toward a general feeling of bitchiness that I'm not entirely comfortable with, but certainly doesn't feel out-of-place on Livejournal. Someone hit me with a frying pan, or a set of bagpipes or something. Something that will make a ridiculous sound upon impact.

-J

Current Location: Dorm Room.
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: The Rock- Official Soundtrack.

Greetings All,

I'm writing this from my 8:00 AM class, so this may be totally incoherent. Basically, I've been drawing a bit more, and I have a few things nearing completion that I need to color and whatnot, so expect somewhat of an update on Deviantart soon enough.

Also, I'm not sure how galleries work on here, but check out my "New York Trip" pictures, if you get the chance.

On a side note, if anyone is interested in commissioning me to do a Livejournal Icon, I'm all ears. I'd charge based on complexity of the icon, though I couldn't imagine charging more than $15. I'd rather not undercut Mirroreyes, and I choose to go a bit higher due to the fact that it takes me a little bit longer to work (I'd expect two complete icons per night, depending on the request, as opposed to up to seven). Anyone that is interested, post here. I expect any transaction to be fairly laid-back. I will post my sample picture as soon as I can scan it up.

Take care, all!

-J

Current Location: HW 405.
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Queen- Bohemian Rhapsody.